back from hiatus..

..from blogging, but the hiatus of mothering is ongoing. After a couple years of neglecting this space I was drawn here out of curiosity. And oddly enough my own words from years ago comforted me, in regards to loneliness.  It made me realize that this is a great exercise in journaling in a way that might benefit a few others besides myself.  So, here in 2011, I now have 3 sons.  One of my last posts talked about being pregnant with Oscar who I knew would be a blessing to Everett. Well, Everett does love nurturing him and Calhoun, and Oscar loves nurturing Calhoun, and Calhoun just loves them both.  How many times, though, have I sat in disbelief that in the span of a literal 3 years I had 3 children?  Ev was born the last day of 2006 and Cal was born the beginning of 2010. So I am not exaggerating the shortness of the spacing as some people might do!! All this I've marveled at and yet just last night I could not believe my youngest is nearing 1 year and my oldest has just turned 4.  Where has the time gone? Well I can tell you, it would either overwhelm you or bore you, so I'll spare you.

More importantly where has God taken me in this time? "Oh the places you will go" (Seuss) with a wild God, The Ancient of Days! To heights and depths that is for sure.  Most recently I cannot take my mind and heart off of the passage Philippians 2:12,13,

"Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose."  

I mean imagine it. Throw yourself into this word.  What is God saying here? Work out your salvation-yet it is God who works in you to WILL and to ACT to fulfill his good purposes.  Where has God taken me? Exactly where he pleased.  He has taken me to the heights and more frequently to the utter depths-it was his will, and it fulfilled his good purpose. HE has taken me there. But he did not depart from me. He was with me all the while. He is with me.  Apart from my own sin, my life is not free. It is a design of my Master. Wow, that is hard to wrap your brain around and yet, it can be so freeing-it makes me feel like I'm not totally crazy after-all. This person, me, is who he made, with all the idiosyncratic tendencies of my personality.  As Bonhoeffer so eloquently wrote, "Who am I? I do not know, but You do, O God."

Oscar (2.5)

Everett (4)

Calhoun (9.5mo.)