Eve

Eve was a woman without a mother and without a friend. She had no midwife, woman confidant, no one. Can you imagine? Today I am imagining...She gave birth to her boys without a single reference of how it will happen, what she would feel, how would she heal, what will he eat, where does this cord go? Will I ever stop bleeding? She had no one but Adam who shared all the same questions and yet she doesn't complain, she praises the Lord.

"With the help of the Lord I have brought forth a man."

This touched me today because of how alone I feel. I've often said, that fellowship is what we were made for. We are not meant to raise our children in isolation, right? Yet many of us do on a daily basis. Our husbands are at work and we are home, alone. But Eve did not have these things that I cherish and crave. She had none but the Lord who walked with her in the garden. She had none but the One whom we are to cherish above no one, to worship only Him. Can you imagine?

Today I am feeling the deprivation of the Spirit. He is the One whom I should seek, should find refuge, should fellowship with, and crave.. Yet I sit in my poverty, running down my contact list on my cell phone. Who loves me? Who is my friend? Who will come to ease this ache and loneliness. There is not a one. Not because they do not love me, but because they cannot refresh, and fulfill because this deprivation is spirit, not human.

It reminds me of the song that goes "I'll praise you in this storm, I will lift my head, You are who You are, no matter where I am.." or something like that.

Do I cry out? Yes, come and heal me and fill me Lord. But I will praise you as well! You have given me the ability to bring forth children. To raise them and love them. Lord I praise you in the depths of the Valley as I praise you on the Mountain tops, because you are Lord, because of your Son Jesus' sacrifice, I can praise you.

So If I wallow in my despair rather than praise him, and scroll down my contact list hoping someone will love me, rather than worship Him, I will find myself here again tomorrow and the next day and the next year and always. It must change with today, right now. I must choose to Praise the Lord.

Lord lift my head!
But even if you don't, I will praise you today!