Boy oh Boy, I'm due with another boy.
The first few months were frightening. I knew I had been saying all along that little Everett needed a buddy, but did I really think God would just go ahead and take care of that now? No, not really. Now I find it somewhat comical, but also refreshing. God cares about the fact that he made Everett to be a loving, social little guy and he will have plenty of love to give and receive now that he has a brother due in the next 4 weeks. So after the worry and shock wore off, it was just maintaining family life, dealing with sleep issues, learning to be a mom and be pregnant all over again-just 8 short months after giving birth. By 8 months I felt like I finally had time to dive into creative projects again, or read a book and recently was able to start and complete a wonderful bible study! Everett is 15 months and wonderful. He is finally sleeping his little heart out! So now, I have to figure out how to be both playful with him and nurturing with an infant. I know the instincts will come flooding back, but I also know I need to be asking for wisdom and understanding along the way.
But before baby is labor and delivery! And this is becoming very exciting to me. We made a plan with my Doula to hopefully labor at home for as long as possible. I don't know what it is about giving birth but it is truly amazing. I've got my verses ready to be reminded of the power of the Holy Spirit and how Christ has authority over EVERYTHING and one of my favorites-that I will endure this labor with JOY! Colossians 1:11 "We pray that you will be strengthened from God's glorious power so that you may be able to pass through any experience and endure it with joy."
4/10/2008
7/09/2007
6 months is like a new Era
There are so many things I wish I had known from the beginning. Things that only having a child can teach me, things that are rarely dolled out in endless advice from others, nonetheless, if only I had known. Particularly sleep. I often wonder if I would have taken the morphine the midwife offered me to get some sleep when it was 11 pm and my contractions were just beginning had I known what the next 6 months had in store. The first two weeks even, with maybe an hour of precious shut-eye here and there..if I had known what true deprivation felt like, I might have said Give ME Whatever you've GOT! But I didn't. I endured those amazing 21 hours of labor, and still hold them in my heart. I had never done anything so difficult physically, and wouldn't have been able to without the help of my husband and doula and most importantly, the Lord. In moments of exquisite pain, I felt the peace of Christ, softening my breath, loosening my facial muscles, holding me.
So, here I am, 6 months later, and I'm wondering where that peace is as I battle with my babe's lack of desire for sleep. Or maybe, like me, he desperately wants it, but can't let himself give into its tranquil arms. It's one of the many traits of mine he must have. I don't see me in his face, skin, hair or eyes, but in his being: his laughter, his cry, his determination, his resourcefulness, and his inability to just let go without a constant gentle hand. He needs God's peace, loosening him, holding him. But, I've already trained him this way, in months of rocking, nursing, and carrying him to sleep..I need God to undo, just a little bit, the sleep associations I've instilled.
I'm asking Him for precious wisdom, love and guidance and most of all to embrace my baby in His arms and hold him all the moments I cannot and "should not", so that he can LOVE sleep too. But in the midst of waiting for this training and watching for His embrace, I need to be so patient. Instead I've exploaded, cried, yelled, walked away, given up. I am insufficient for this task of motherhood. 21 hours of labor is easy in comparison to finding the energy and knowledge to raise this most wonderful of human beings. I must press on-I'm not a mother for me, I'm a mother for the Lord.
Here my prayer Father. Teach me to be a good parent, a loving mother and be willing to discipline my son, for his sake, disciple him to sleep. Most of all give me patient in the quiet, endless hours of rocking, nursing, sleeping, waking, crying and starting all over again that happens ever evening, all night long and hourly during the day.
Phil 4:5 But you should keep a clear mind in every situation. Don't be afraid of suffering for the Lord. As for me, my life has already been poured out as an offering to God.
Heb 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish. 12:5 My child, don't ignore it when the Lord disciplines you, and don't be discouraged when he corrects you. For the Lord disciplines those he loves
The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right; his ears are open to their cries for help. Ps 34:14
So, here I am, 6 months later, and I'm wondering where that peace is as I battle with my babe's lack of desire for sleep. Or maybe, like me, he desperately wants it, but can't let himself give into its tranquil arms. It's one of the many traits of mine he must have. I don't see me in his face, skin, hair or eyes, but in his being: his laughter, his cry, his determination, his resourcefulness, and his inability to just let go without a constant gentle hand. He needs God's peace, loosening him, holding him. But, I've already trained him this way, in months of rocking, nursing, and carrying him to sleep..I need God to undo, just a little bit, the sleep associations I've instilled.
I'm asking Him for precious wisdom, love and guidance and most of all to embrace my baby in His arms and hold him all the moments I cannot and "should not", so that he can LOVE sleep too. But in the midst of waiting for this training and watching for His embrace, I need to be so patient. Instead I've exploaded, cried, yelled, walked away, given up. I am insufficient for this task of motherhood. 21 hours of labor is easy in comparison to finding the energy and knowledge to raise this most wonderful of human beings. I must press on-I'm not a mother for me, I'm a mother for the Lord.
Here my prayer Father. Teach me to be a good parent, a loving mother and be willing to discipline my son, for his sake, disciple him to sleep. Most of all give me patient in the quiet, endless hours of rocking, nursing, sleeping, waking, crying and starting all over again that happens ever evening, all night long and hourly during the day.
Phil 4:5 But you should keep a clear mind in every situation. Don't be afraid of suffering for the Lord. As for me, my life has already been poured out as an offering to God.
Heb 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish. 12:5 My child, don't ignore it when the Lord disciplines you, and don't be discouraged when he corrects you. For the Lord disciplines those he loves
The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right; his ears are open to their cries for help. Ps 34:14
2/27/2007
A Child Growing Within, him and me
"For this child I prayed, and God has given me what I asked for."
Father,
You have granted me the desire of my heart. Outwardly it may seem foolish-but I know and trust you will care for us.
I'm glad it is you who is knitting this precious child within me. It's amazing how you do that!
Thank you for this gift. I am thankful despite my constant complaints of sickness.
"The person who wishes to boast should boast only of what the Lord has done."
I will boast in this: God alone took me who was sinful, ugly in my desires speech and hatred and loved me. Sent his Son to enrapture me with kindness and deep healing love. Wrapped me in utter mercy to bring me out of my despair. He washed me, purified my every act, deed and shame committed in hatred against God. He threw them far away from me-never to remember them again. You did this for me God. You gave your freedom for mine. Thank you Abba. Thank you for loving me in this way-for saving me out of the despair that wreaked havoc on my soul.
Father,
You have granted me the desire of my heart. Outwardly it may seem foolish-but I know and trust you will care for us.
I'm glad it is you who is knitting this precious child within me. It's amazing how you do that!
Thank you for this gift. I am thankful despite my constant complaints of sickness.
"The person who wishes to boast should boast only of what the Lord has done."
I will boast in this: God alone took me who was sinful, ugly in my desires speech and hatred and loved me. Sent his Son to enrapture me with kindness and deep healing love. Wrapped me in utter mercy to bring me out of my despair. He washed me, purified my every act, deed and shame committed in hatred against God. He threw them far away from me-never to remember them again. You did this for me God. You gave your freedom for mine. Thank you Abba. Thank you for loving me in this way-for saving me out of the despair that wreaked havoc on my soul.
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