4/25/2012
A Mothers Fight
11/08/2011
Bit o' Me
Best way to wind down a season is with a wonderful photo shoot of my family by a good friend! 
Well, the photography season is winding down. At least for me it is-not all photographers experience this. I probably only have a couple more shoots before Christmas Card orders come in and once that is all done I get a few months "off". In years past, this period has been kind of boring for me business-wise. But this year I am actually looking forward to the forced rest that Winter in Minnesota provides. Yes, I'll still have mounds of paperwork to catch up on, taxes to sort and file, business cards to design and print and perhaps a session here and there-but I'm looking at this time totally differently than ever before. I'm looking forward to ROCKING as a mom without being distracted with work, to knitting and crocheting, to baking and cooking, to reading many books, and other run-of-the-mill homemaker activities. You see, I LOVE photography. But sometimes it has a tendency to become alive, it starts giving me orders about how to spend my time, but I can't always see that its doing it because along with the orders comes a flood of imagination, creativity and all around joy for the pretty pictures I get to make. Well, one night recently I was facing another long editing session (which I totally enjoy even though I miss sleep) when all of a sudden I felt like the LORD nudged me and said something to the effect of "Is it worth being on top of deadlines and an expert at your craft when it means missing out on time with Me at night?" (nighttime is my devo time) WHOA! I was caught.. but in a way that was refreshing AND convicting. I responded with, "yah, who do I think I am?" For me, I thought it was better to get things out the door and not have to "worry" about finishing. But, I probably wouldn't have been worried if I was secure in myself in the LORD and not feeling guilty about missing my time with him. My husband has been an excellent example of how to abide in the LORD AND complete his work. He doesn't push his tactics on me, but day after day, month after month, I see him in quiet strength deny himself morning sleep in order to meet with GOD. How does he convince himself to do that? His alarm on his phone reminds him how badly he needs it more than sleep. But, I don't know that after several months that it is something he needs convincing of anymore. He's not convinced, he's HUNGRY. So hungry that he has his time with God in the word in the morning, then he listens to a sermon while making us breakfast, and then in the evening will spend more time reading the bible. THAT is what I'm missing! I didn't realize that I'm starving! So I'm looking forward to this forced Winter sabbath and praying that I will finally not just create good habits or make silly promises that I can't keep but that I will abide in the LORD so much so that I will never chose to neglect my relationship with Him again. Which in turn will make me an even better woman, mom, wife, photographer, friend, sister, daughter, stranger, neighbor..
Many blessings to you and yours this frigid winter and holiday season and may you find cozy times of rest amidst your own version of chaos and activity in which you not only experience physical rest, but the much needed rest for your soul in Jesus Christ.
~Elena
Well, the photography season is winding down. At least for me it is-not all photographers experience this. I probably only have a couple more shoots before Christmas Card orders come in and once that is all done I get a few months "off". In years past, this period has been kind of boring for me business-wise. But this year I am actually looking forward to the forced rest that Winter in Minnesota provides. Yes, I'll still have mounds of paperwork to catch up on, taxes to sort and file, business cards to design and print and perhaps a session here and there-but I'm looking at this time totally differently than ever before. I'm looking forward to ROCKING as a mom without being distracted with work, to knitting and crocheting, to baking and cooking, to reading many books, and other run-of-the-mill homemaker activities. You see, I LOVE photography. But sometimes it has a tendency to become alive, it starts giving me orders about how to spend my time, but I can't always see that its doing it because along with the orders comes a flood of imagination, creativity and all around joy for the pretty pictures I get to make. Well, one night recently I was facing another long editing session (which I totally enjoy even though I miss sleep) when all of a sudden I felt like the LORD nudged me and said something to the effect of "Is it worth being on top of deadlines and an expert at your craft when it means missing out on time with Me at night?" (nighttime is my devo time) WHOA! I was caught.. but in a way that was refreshing AND convicting. I responded with, "yah, who do I think I am?" For me, I thought it was better to get things out the door and not have to "worry" about finishing. But, I probably wouldn't have been worried if I was secure in myself in the LORD and not feeling guilty about missing my time with him. My husband has been an excellent example of how to abide in the LORD AND complete his work. He doesn't push his tactics on me, but day after day, month after month, I see him in quiet strength deny himself morning sleep in order to meet with GOD. How does he convince himself to do that? His alarm on his phone reminds him how badly he needs it more than sleep. But, I don't know that after several months that it is something he needs convincing of anymore. He's not convinced, he's HUNGRY. So hungry that he has his time with God in the word in the morning, then he listens to a sermon while making us breakfast, and then in the evening will spend more time reading the bible. THAT is what I'm missing! I didn't realize that I'm starving! So I'm looking forward to this forced Winter sabbath and praying that I will finally not just create good habits or make silly promises that I can't keep but that I will abide in the LORD so much so that I will never chose to neglect my relationship with Him again. Which in turn will make me an even better woman, mom, wife, photographer, friend, sister, daughter, stranger, neighbor..
Many blessings to you and yours this frigid winter and holiday season and may you find cozy times of rest amidst your own version of chaos and activity in which you not only experience physical rest, but the much needed rest for your soul in Jesus Christ.
~Elena
1/21/2011
back from hiatus..
..from blogging, but the hiatus of mothering is ongoing. After a couple years of neglecting this space I was drawn here out of curiosity. And oddly enough my own words from years ago comforted me, in regards to loneliness. It made me realize that this is a great exercise in journaling in a way that might benefit a few others besides myself. So, here in 2011, I now have 3 sons. One of my last posts talked about being pregnant with Oscar who I knew would be a blessing to Everett. Well, Everett does love nurturing him and Calhoun, and Oscar loves nurturing Calhoun, and Calhoun just loves them both. How many times, though, have I sat in disbelief that in the span of a literal 3 years I had 3 children? Ev was born the last day of 2006 and Cal was born the beginning of 2010. So I am not exaggerating the shortness of the spacing as some people might do!! All this I've marveled at and yet just last night I could not believe my youngest is nearing 1 year and my oldest has just turned 4. Where has the time gone? Well I can tell you, it would either overwhelm you or bore you, so I'll spare you.
More importantly where has God taken me in this time? "Oh the places you will go" (Seuss) with a wild God, The Ancient of Days! To heights and depths that is for sure. Most recently I cannot take my mind and heart off of the passage Philippians 2:12,13,
I mean imagine it. Throw yourself into this word. What is God saying here? Work out your salvation-yet it is God who works in you to WILL and to ACT to fulfill his good purposes. Where has God taken me? Exactly where he pleased. He has taken me to the heights and more frequently to the utter depths-it was his will, and it fulfilled his good purpose. HE has taken me there. But he did not depart from me. He was with me all the while. He is with me. Apart from my own sin, my life is not free. It is a design of my Master. Wow, that is hard to wrap your brain around and yet, it can be so freeing-it makes me feel like I'm not totally crazy after-all. This person, me, is who he made, with all the idiosyncratic tendencies of my personality. As Bonhoeffer so eloquently wrote, "Who am I? I do not know, but You do, O God."
More importantly where has God taken me in this time? "Oh the places you will go" (Seuss) with a wild God, The Ancient of Days! To heights and depths that is for sure. Most recently I cannot take my mind and heart off of the passage Philippians 2:12,13,
"Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose."
I mean imagine it. Throw yourself into this word. What is God saying here? Work out your salvation-yet it is God who works in you to WILL and to ACT to fulfill his good purposes. Where has God taken me? Exactly where he pleased. He has taken me to the heights and more frequently to the utter depths-it was his will, and it fulfilled his good purpose. HE has taken me there. But he did not depart from me. He was with me all the while. He is with me. Apart from my own sin, my life is not free. It is a design of my Master. Wow, that is hard to wrap your brain around and yet, it can be so freeing-it makes me feel like I'm not totally crazy after-all. This person, me, is who he made, with all the idiosyncratic tendencies of my personality. As Bonhoeffer so eloquently wrote, "Who am I? I do not know, but You do, O God."
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| Oscar (2.5) |
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| Everett (4) |
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| Calhoun (9.5mo.) |
7/31/2008
Baptism
I just finished reading this: http://www.biblebb.com/files/MAC/INFBAP.HTM sermon from John MacArthur on Infant Baptism and True Christian Baptism. It confirmed our convictions to wait for Everett and Oscar to choose to believe in Christ and follow up with a Baptism. Wow, I can't wait for those days! It will be the best day of my life. That God would take this wretch, lift the veil and give me his sweet Spirit, to count me righteous, to give me 2 beautiful gifts, and to instruct them in the way of the Lord. I am confident that they will know him and the day they confess Christ will be my hearts delight and we will celebrate with Baptism and Feasting in His Great NAME! Oh what a day it will be! Thanks Be to God the Father of all Heaven's Lights! What a glorious Lord we serve!
6/10/2008
Fitting Verse Today
Ecclesiastes 9:10
Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.
I feel like I have a million things to get done almost all the time, and very little time to do them. And yet this verse smacked me in the face today. DO IT WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT! I am a mommy and it means I have little ones to run after and paper work for medical stuff to fill out, and tummy's to fill and books to read, and God to worship. So Do it with all your might!
But really it should be the other way around. God to worship and stuff to do. I realized that last night, as I read about Mary and Martha in "Twelve Extraordinary Women" by John MacArthur. He makes the point that Jesus rebukes Martha when she complains about Mary not helping because what we need first is to worship the Lord, sit at his feet and listen to his Words. Yet as Christians I think we get caught in the snare of thinking that service outweighs sitting and waiting and listening and worshiping. I fought this very idea through most of the chapter. And maybe you're fighting it too. But isn't doing all those things worshipping God? I've thought the very thing for a long time. But sitting and listening is better Jesus said. "Mary has chosen the better way." So maybe doing can be worship but it is not more important than reading his Word, and listening for his Spirit.
Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.
I feel like I have a million things to get done almost all the time, and very little time to do them. And yet this verse smacked me in the face today. DO IT WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT! I am a mommy and it means I have little ones to run after and paper work for medical stuff to fill out, and tummy's to fill and books to read, and God to worship. So Do it with all your might!
But really it should be the other way around. God to worship and stuff to do. I realized that last night, as I read about Mary and Martha in "Twelve Extraordinary Women" by John MacArthur. He makes the point that Jesus rebukes Martha when she complains about Mary not helping because what we need first is to worship the Lord, sit at his feet and listen to his Words. Yet as Christians I think we get caught in the snare of thinking that service outweighs sitting and waiting and listening and worshiping. I fought this very idea through most of the chapter. And maybe you're fighting it too. But isn't doing all those things worshipping God? I've thought the very thing for a long time. But sitting and listening is better Jesus said. "Mary has chosen the better way." So maybe doing can be worship but it is not more important than reading his Word, and listening for his Spirit.
5/22/2008
Eve
Eve was a woman without a mother and without a friend. She had no midwife, woman confidant, no one. Can you imagine? Today I am imagining...She gave birth to her boys without a single reference of how it will happen, what she would feel, how would she heal, what will he eat, where does this cord go? Will I ever stop bleeding? She had no one but Adam who shared all the same questions and yet she doesn't complain, she praises the Lord.
"With the help of the Lord I have brought forth a man."
This touched me today because of how alone I feel. I've often said, that fellowship is what we were made for. We are not meant to raise our children in isolation, right? Yet many of us do on a daily basis. Our husbands are at work and we are home, alone. But Eve did not have these things that I cherish and crave. She had none but the Lord who walked with her in the garden. She had none but the One whom we are to cherish above no one, to worship only Him. Can you imagine?
Today I am feeling the deprivation of the Spirit. He is the One whom I should seek, should find refuge, should fellowship with, and crave.. Yet I sit in my poverty, running down my contact list on my cell phone. Who loves me? Who is my friend? Who will come to ease this ache and loneliness. There is not a one. Not because they do not love me, but because they cannot refresh, and fulfill because this deprivation is spirit, not human.
It reminds me of the song that goes "I'll praise you in this storm, I will lift my head, You are who You are, no matter where I am.." or something like that.
Do I cry out? Yes, come and heal me and fill me Lord. But I will praise you as well! You have given me the ability to bring forth children. To raise them and love them. Lord I praise you in the depths of the Valley as I praise you on the Mountain tops, because you are Lord, because of your Son Jesus' sacrifice, I can praise you.
So If I wallow in my despair rather than praise him, and scroll down my contact list hoping someone will love me, rather than worship Him, I will find myself here again tomorrow and the next day and the next year and always. It must change with today, right now. I must choose to Praise the Lord.
Lord lift my head!
But even if you don't, I will praise you today!
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